The other day, I was reflecting on my week (as I usually do) and I got a little nervous. I asked my husband am I becoming boring? Confused with my question and concerned where this is leading he asked, “Huh”? I repeated the question. I told him I was concerned that I am no longer the fun and spontaneous women anymore and that is a problem for me. He reassured me that I wasn’t boring, but I’m not has crazy and spontaneous as I used to be. Now I’m really concerned.
I remember prior to being engaged and even meeting my husband, I would do things just because. Now I was never one of those wild girls that did crazy stuff. I’m the youngest of five so I’ve learned from their mistakes, but I did enjoy my life. I didn’t have to worry about finding a babysitter, is he old enough to be home alone, what would happen if, or I can’t because. Those thoughts never came through my mind. But as my pregnancy progressed I watched myself no longer playing catch phrase, because of all the excitement or not going out in fear of looking crazy with baby bump in the club. Now that I had my little one I struggled with the thought of going out, not having someone to watch him, although my husband offer all the time, I still would refuse.
Then I did it, I finally went out and had a blast. I remembered how much fun it was just being a women. I felt my youth (mind you I’m only 27) flowing through me as the thought of kids, bills, and other responsibilities slows disappeared. I felt free and ready to take on the world or at least take on my world of kids, bills, and other responsibilities. But all that excitement, made me wonder, where did that side of me go? I don’t want to be that wife that was so exciting, love to go out, did her own thing, and enjoyed life and once she got married and have kids, she disappeared and her life just revolved around her kids and annoying the heck out of her husband. He know longer sees that women he married and wonders if he will ever see her again and since it seems she is never coming back, he needs to go and find her.
Now I don’t want you to think that I’m worried about losing my husband. I’m more so worried about losing me. A lot of times it takes losing your husband to find yourself and realize that you hid behind your kids in fear of what others will think about you as a mom and wife. I understand that as we grow, we change, and we may not do the things that we did before, but I want to replace those things with new and exiting things. Maybe I’m rushing things, as others tell me, when my little one is older I’ll be able to do more, which I understand, but in the process of waiting I don’t want to forget about what made me the women I have been.
Are you still the same or have you changed since kids?